thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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