Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
We smell like vodka and hangover
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