Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
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