Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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