I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
