I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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