The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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