Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
