what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
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He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
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I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I need water and some morals