Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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