can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once