is your mom at the bar?
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
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I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
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Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...