Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
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You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
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I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?