but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar