I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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