I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
