just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
