You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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