they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
