I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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