Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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