That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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