how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
