FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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