we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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