I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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