Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I think people are normalizing furries
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
