I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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