Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
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Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
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In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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