I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
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This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
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Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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