Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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