I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
