You really coming over, don't trick.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
