Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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