New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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