I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
