Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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