turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
