but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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