we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
