So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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