But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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