what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
