why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
