Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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