I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
