It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
