Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
