Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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