What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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