He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
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Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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