When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
