obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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