I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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