i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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