your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Randomize
