Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
