..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Randomize
