I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
