Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
