wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
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