he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
