If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I think I sprained my soul last night
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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