A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Randomize
