The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
