I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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