Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
