I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
