New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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