He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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