i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
