My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
