Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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