The maid of honor just puked.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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