I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
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Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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