Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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