He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Are my feet made of real feet?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
